I’ve thought about doing this for some time now, but it hasn’t been until after recent events that I actually decided to sit down and do this. Think of this as a getting to know me. As myself putting various things out there. In part from me growing and trying to better myself and being truthful and honest with people. As far as what I’ll talk about, even though this is coming from what I want in someone I’d be with, it’ll also include things applicable to friendships, and just people in general.
Over the course of my life I’ve experienced, dealt with, seen, and put up with a lot. This all in turn has affected me and helped shape who I am and everything that means. As well as what I want out of life and people.
I want someone who’s going to have time for me. Who’s actually going to make an effort. To talk to, skype, and do things with me. As well as stick around. No matter what we are or what stage we’re at.
I want someone who will be honest, truthful, serious when needed, not mess with me or play around, take relationships seriously, and importantly be consistent with everything.
I want someone who will do all of this, not just in the beginning, on occasion, every now and then, or only when things are good. But also when things suck, I’m being difficult or at my worst, or all the time really.
I might come off demanding, needy, or weird to some. But I know my worth, what I deserve and that I need to respect myself and not settle for anything less. I won’t stand for or put up with anyone who lies, plays around, can’t commit, can’t take relationships or things seriously, would mess with me, lead me on, won’t be consistent or make an effort to talk/skype with me, or can’t make time for me.
If they can’t understand that, can’t do that, think it’s demanding, needy, or weird, think it’s too much for someone you’re just talking to, that you’re with, can’t be ok with me and all my faults and flaws, or whatever else then they can leave. I don’t want them around, I won’t have tolerance for it, and they don’t deserve me nor my effort. I’ve been through and put up with too much to let any of that me. I won’t think twice about them, I’ll be glad and won’t give them a second more of my time.
I don’t even mind long distance. I’m rather wary of it, but I’m open to it for the right person. Some nice or special. But with that come even more emphasis on communication. Both people need to put in more effort to talk and skype with the other. Things might suck at times, but being in a long distance relationship is a commitment in itself. I’d need the other person to be sure. I don’t want someone who will change their mind at some point into it. I won’t have that.
And then there’s myself. I get that I have my faults and flaws. And unfortunately due to various events, things, and people in my life. As well as girls I have been involved with in some way and my bad experiences with them and other things in my life have messed me up quite a bit. I need someone who will stay despite all of that. Not only that, but I need someone who will have the sensitivity and right personality to handle and help me as I get better, heal, and improve myself.
There’s also how I am in general, my personality. I tend to feel strongly a lot of the time. What I mean by that is that when I like something or someone, I like immensely. When I love, I love whole heartedly. When I feel bad, I feel extremely bad. When I feel guilty, I truly feel guilty. When I try at something, work at something, am with someone. I try and work my hardest. I give them my all, everything. I go all out. I don’t half ass anything. I might not be the best, but I strive to be the best I can be for the other person.
Now I know it’s also very bad in the sense that when things don’t work out with someone, I’m left feeling the backlash and the empty feeling that accompanies it. And that it takes a toll on me. Which is unfortunate as I can’t change who or how I am so much.
I know that being like this isn’t always great and it comes with its own faults and flaws. So according I can do my best to tone things down or adjust things/myself to whoever I’m with. But more than that, I can’t change who or what I am. I wouldn’t even if I could.
I want someone who will have me, like me (and later love me) at my worst so they can have my best and everything I am willing to give them. Which would be the best and essentially everything.
And I haven’t forgotten to talk about me. I might want and expect a lot back from someone, but only because I am willing and plan on doing the same for them. If not that’s fine. As much as I might be compatible with someone or as amazing or perfect as they might seem, if they can’t understand or do all of this, it wasn’t meant to be. Then as sad or down as I might be for the time being, I will move on and keep looking for that special person.
Like the previous post, I will edit and add more to this entry as I see fit and think of more to say.